Image by Bossanostra via Flickr
This post is inspired by Michael Martine’s humorous take on Twitter as a social media phenomenon . Says Michael:
“Twitter is like sex. You can read all the stuff (or look at it) about sex all you want, but if you’ve never had it, you simply have no idea what it’s like.”
I quite agree with Michael’s humorous analogy. And though I’d love to play the devil’s advocate, I simply can’t summon enough neurons to even come up with something close to his classic piece. So I did something else.
Good sex is like blogging
And it is this – when I think of sex I can readily associate it with blogging. Perhaps that says something about my stamina or writing mojo? That my dear readers is a question. This is not a wedding so I will not be asking for any arguments to the contrary. Hold your peace, I say.
But I digress. Let’s hear it from another funny man. Billy Crystal says, “Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.”
Well, let me tell you, blog readers are like women when it comes to reading blogs. They need to have good reasons to get intimate with you as a blog author.
How to make your readers stick with you
1. Clean up your act. Nothing turns off a reader than an author who neglects the basics of good hygiene. You have to smell good, look good, clean, and irresistible. It means choosing lean, sinewy and precise words. Nothing busts your chances with readers than neglecting your choice of words or phrases. You don’t make your readers swoon over your post by throwing your undies with tell-tale signs of skid marks into your blog.
2. Build up anticipation. A good headline entices and makes a promise. It leads the reader to your lead paragraph. Does she have a clear idea what you aim to do? Of course, she does – but will she like your style? Will she purr in pleasure as you lead her on sentence after sentence, paragraph by paragraph into a satisfying climax? Be cool. And stop being a Neanderthal, hitting your readers in the head with your purple prose in a vain ruse to lure them into your dark cave. They will leave you when they come to.
3. Be versatile. Do you serve the same dish every day? No wonder why your readers are looking for other blogs to entertain them. Mix it up a little . Be adventurous. The missionary post delivers all right, but can be dreadful if served to your readers every time. Think of long, intense explorations of your niche topic. Think of magnificent and over-arching pillars. Very meaty, right? Make them unforgettable and you will find your readers camping out in your blog for more. After that, seduce your readers with stories or teach them new tricks by featuring interviews on topics that resonate with their heart.
4. Be intimate. Readers love intimacy. They gobble up your words all right, but they need to touch and feel what makes you tick, what saddens you, what pushes your buttons. Perhaps you are the all-conquering muscle man , but sometimes to identify with you, readers need to know what’s your kryptonite. Don’t be afraid to let them see you’re flawed like them once in a while.
5. Be generous. It’s not all about you, baby. Your readers have problems, pressed for time, harassed at work, beset by issues. You’re not making it easier for them by dumping on them your tired pick up lines. Give them a back rub, knead their aching shoulders, listen to their problems and offer your best solutions. You’re not a show horse – try to be useful.
6. Be honest. Nothing turns off readers more than dishonesty and hypocrisy. I don’t know the exact science behind this, but readers have a keen radar for BS. Is it intuition? Is it a life visited too often by betrayal? I can’t put a finger to it. But I’m sure your elegant words and your outstanding theme design will not make your readers open the door for you the second time around.
7. Be knowledgeable. As a blog reader, drivel turns me off and make me cover my family jewels for some imagined assault. I admit I get turned on by a marvelous turn of phrase. I don’t know if they’ve already invented a name for this disease if it is a disease. But it’s true, you can lead me on by the nose for some tryst if your words, sentences, and paragraphs all conspire to make me lose my inhibitions. Appeal to my hunger for knowledge and my morals go out through the window.
8. Be accessible. Readers might stay if they know who you are. Leave them your card. Write something on your about page. You’re in it for the long haul, right? One mindless episode with you can be satisfying, but if you want them to stay you’ve to do away with your avatar. Part of an engaging intercourse that can happen in a blog is to see the reassuring face of its author with whom we are getting intimate with.
9. Be funny. If you can’t – be playful at least. Words turn me on as reader, but I have to say humor or playfulness works like an aphrodisiac. A humorous mind is sexy and is likely to set the mood for a productive one on one with the reader. I may not recall all the useful things you told me, but you bet I will remember that I have a good time with you.
10. Be humble. Readers know you’re a learned man. But please don’t swagger too much. You’re likely to break some china. Or shatter your readers expectations. Rid yourself of the illusion that you have your readers wrapped in your little finger. They can leave you anytime. Why? For all your brilliance, in the grand scheme of things, you are not exactly God’s gift to blogging.
Time to draw something from your bag of tricks, my friends. What’s your neat little secret? What works for you as writer or as a blog reader?
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