8 Internet Goals for 2009

by Jan Geronimo on December 19, 2008

It’s all very well to be optimistic when you are down, and although you’re seeing stars from the ditch, that doesn’t cut it for me anymore. It has got to improve. I don’t want to smell funny and disoriented from too much muddling through anymore. And a goal-oriented blogging is the way to go. So here are my goals for next year:

1. Clarity. I resolve to use simple, everyday words in my blog if I really want to gain readers. So that the riffraff in my neighborhood will finally take a liking to me and thus bulk up my readership. Without their sweaty embrace and at the very least their grudging respect I’d be doomed at the bottom of the food chain.

2. Use of Exotic Terms. I will do away with high highfalutin words so I can sneak in every now and then some jargon of my choice. Like SEO. Leveraging. Meta this, meta that. Every one should understand that it’s just very much like a dance of joy when posts about couple of obscure financial jargon will have successfully driven an insane volume of traffic to this blog. Consider this a commercial break from regular program. Don’t despair because I will make it up to you in our karaoke night outs.

3. Utility. I’d serve you a movable feast of riches via guides to your personal growth. Simply because I’m a buddy after your own heart. I care for you deeply. Not only will I teach you how to make your armpits smell like a baby, I’d occasionally point you where the wonderful freebies are. Free downloads and stuff. Because I care from the smallest of your whims to your total education.

4. Upfront and Personal. I’d try to a put a little something of myself into my writing. So you and the world can find some uniqueness from the drivel that I dispense against the output of the rest of the blogosphere. Or I can draw inspiration from your exciting life and the wench you call your significant other. And when she finally leaves you for your own father, hello, maybe there’s poetic justice in seeing her nailed just right on the internet, okay?

5. Sky-high Statistics – unique visitors, page views, subscribers, adsense growth. Last week, I was ecstatic I had one subscriber. Of course that was shortlived because I found out I had subscribed to my own feed through my mobile phone. What a hoot. Although I honestly think I have good taste so a vote of confidence – even from myself – ah, that’s big deal. Hahaha. Faith cannot move mountains at my behest, but I sure can haul my ass up there.

6. Zen. I’d be detached from materialistic considerations. My equilibrium rests not on the fickle tastes of readers and the inscrutable Mr. Google. But of course,just to be sure, I’d be keeping a tight watch over these concerns. Especially my small patch of adsense. I will be serenely watching my grass grow. And finally -

7. I’d intone every morning as I watch the sunrise, “Universe, I am ready. Give it to me, give it to me.”

8. Chuck nos. 1 to 7. Okay, I need to go for clarity, utility, and Zen qualities. But not in the aforementioned context. I’d just be myself, engage you in meaningful conversations, I hope. And gently connect to the universe, and not holler into it.

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