Rescuing A Dream From The Garbage Bin

by Jan Geronimo on December 22, 2008

Back in college, we were asked to turn in an essay on what we dream of achieving. Because my pretension to becoming a writer then was already being severely limited by lack of focus and to a large extent by a paucity of ideas and creative inspiration, I settled for publishing. Ding. I proclaimed I’d be a big time publisher. A Filipino Charles Scribner in search of my own Ernest Hemingway incarnate.

My teacher gave me an A for that presumptuous essay.

God, however, gave me a D-. Of course, you know what usually happens to the best laid plans – God laughs at you and upends the drafting table. I know God might have finally approved of the plan, but my failure was largely because of my lack of focus and other failings. I had designed the blueprint myself. And so it had come to pass.

Instead of graduating from college, I applied for a job. I found one but I was underemployed as a quality inspector in a textile factory somewhere in Rizal. Of course, I went through pushing carts full of bobbins of yarns to spinners. I was fairly young, but it was backbreaking. An opening in the quality control staff later made my life easier. From peon I became a pencil pusher, consolidating inspection reports and doing other routine work you can do on auto-pilot. The greatest challenge to my creative aspirations was to cook up excuse letters for my co-workers who gallivanted from work. It’s that and how to squeeze my minimum wage so after I fed myself I’d still have some money for books.

Cut to present time. I’m managing a small computer retail store. At night I have been blogging. That’s publishing still, right? Well, what do you know. May be this is my second chance. With this publishing platform, I have the world for an audience. Of course, the audience is preoccupied elsewhere. Understandably so, I have not written anything for them to take notice.

It doesn’t daunt me a bit. Why should I expect the world to pay heed? I did my inquiries and I found out my best friends had yet to check up on my blog. None among my family members had visited me, too. Boo-hoo.

Maybe that’s for the best. That will give me enough elbow room on this blog. “Who do you think you are – mentioning in your blog your Ate R’s to-die-for recipe for carbonara. You perhaps think that trumps my exotic frog recipes?” Or something of this sort.

Even the household puppy named Ditton – of askal lineage (local variety dog) – reserves barking and raising an awful racket every time I sit down to blog. It doesn’t help that children carolers drive Ditton to a fit. If I skip blogging on some days, it can very well be because of him. Clearly, he’s not a cute, dainty little thing that blogging big time eventually bought. But he’s become a metaphor for everything that taunts me to quit. It’s just a blog after all. An excuse that will soon become a full treatise why one stops pursuing a dream, if I don’t pay attention to these things.

Nice thing though – it has been only 17 days of blogging. I should not let up and lose focus.

If only for the reason that this blog can keep me sane. That’s a big thing for me. Honest writing can make a person fully conscious of life’s journey, it’s challenges and triumphs and even losses. That’s a major help, whatever job one may have in this world.

At least I have here a tool to help me evolve as better person. By looking inward, by self-examination, and by seeing all this personal growth crystallized in writing. And if I am lucky through your companionship and conversations.

Your thoughts? Any dreams from earlier life you have rescued from the garbage bin? Are you working on it too?

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  • I feel like crying, are tou talking about me and my dreams of becoming a noted writer someday? he he he... Very nicely said Jan.
  • Ooops. Dreams are powerful stuff huh. What have we done to them lately?
    I've meandered and went off--track, Jena. It's such a simple business. You
    have a dream you work towards achieving it. But life intervenes. We
    ourselves intervene - throwing obstacles in our own paths sometimes. It's a
    puzzlement how we complicate our lives with our choices. Do we have to wait
    for the ripe age of 90s before we buckle down to work? After all, Grandma
    Moses did it in her 90s or was it in her 80s. Ahahaha. We are still here.
    We still can do something about our dreams, Jen. Take heart. :)
  • i think i'm beginning to learn a thing or two on how to post a blog that's well worth reading by bandwidth bystanders. thanks to you, uncle jan!

    what i learned today:

    don't be too monopolizing. the world is full of shit already. don't add your Me, Myself, And I monologue. it's best to give back the blogging mic to the readers at the end of the post.

    these and the observation that great writers often dabble in proletariat work as starting jobs. thanks for the tips, uncle jan!
    .-= lio loco´s last blog ..SSDD No. 3 =-.
  • Roy

    this is a good post Jan, it would be a waste to be just included in the archive.

    just because it's one of your earlier posts, doesn't mean your current readers can't appreciate them ;)

    <abbr>Roy’s last blog post..Writer's block</abbr>
  • Jan Geronimo
    That tweet surprised me, Roy. I thought you were just having fun. Good that I checked this post. Truth to tell, I was a bit self-conscious: gosh, what is it now that Roy found out about me through my old post. Ahahaha.

    Ah, old posts. I'm not ashamed of them. I look at them with a fondness we reserve for our children. Because they can be that too.

    Indeed it's strange how life turns out. We strive for the moon and here we are ending up cradling the sun in our armpit. Not so bad, Roy. Ahehehe. Thanks for looking kindly at my early, tentative blog outburst. ",)
  • Roy
    Great post!

    Oops! I'm sorry, I forgot. You don't like that.

    But seriously it is.

    Good thing this showed up at the related topics in your latest post, that's why I was able to read it... and I'm glad I did.

    It made feel nostalgic, to say the least. My childhood dreams... I have lots of them - from the impossible to the outright insane. Like being a scientist or being the first Filipino to walk in the moon.

    I wasn't even writing then, my passion then was doing crafts and building things. Never in my wildest dream did I ever see myself as an accountant. But being a high school graduate without any direction, I was told to take the course.

    Now, back to my dream. I still have lots of them - from being a writer, to composer, an entrepreneur, or an accomplished blogger

    I am really not sure if I can still salvage them... to be honest, I'm just waiting for my time.

    <abbr>Roy’s last blog post..nothing</abbr>
  • Jan
    @brandon gilbert: Yeah, it's never too late to make that final push. Thanks for dropping by. :)
  • brandon gilbert
    im workin on it brother.
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